The waves come crashing, sliding cool between my toes, and I am happy to be alive. I am in love with nature, with love. I love myself.

It started off being a sunny day today but when I arrived at the beach in the afternoon, the clouds obscured the sun's rays. I thought I could hang out in my bikini on the last day of 2011, but I had to put on my skinny jeans and green sweatshirt before I stepped onto the sand.

The surfers were out. I came to see them before the year ended. There was no other place I rather be. This is my anchor, my constant. Everything changes in my life, but I come here again and again. It's never the same, yet always familiar.

As I sat down on the wet sand, watching the surfers riding the waves and seagulls flying overhead, I felt the rhythmic motion of the waves. They came crashing close to me washing ashore the secrets of the sea. The waves will keep washing ashore rocks, crab shells, and seaweed.

It's yet another year, but that doesn't mean much. I don't need to measure time. It marches forward regardless.

On a cold December afternoon, I drove to the beach in Malibu to breathe some fresh sea air. There were only three surfers wading out with their boards and a few others strolling along the shore.

I came out today in my black coat to clear my mind. The year is ending and I was thinking about everything that has happened. The second half is better than the first, but I am ending it alone. It is how it should be. At the end, we are all alone.